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A Wall

I was a cynical person before. Thought the world was a nasty place where everyone is only there to destroy me. I loved being alone, never attached myself to friends. Come college I met someone. A friend whom I relied on, confided with, and became a big brother to me. Time came that he was instantly gone, my life crumbled into pieces when I had no one to talk to. I did try to survive, little by little I built life, met someone and loved her with all my life. I leaned on her and she leaned on me.

One year later, she died. She died alone... It was like another boulder went through my entire existence. Shattered, yet determined to live. I built my life again. This time placed a wall over me to protect me from being close to someone. I never needed any friends. I was invincible. I had friends but they were casual friends. We talk here and there but never did long for them when they’re gone.

However, I did become vulnerable again. I gambled. I invited a person again in my life. She was always there for me but I was the wall being leaned on. It never bothered me since I love her with all my heart. However, another person came and another and another. They were my pillars. My life was held with those pillars. I began to be comfortable. Vulnerable. Naïve.

Things don’t last forever as it may seem. It was the biggest mistake of my life when I leaned on someone again. Why didn’t I learn from the past mistakes? Relying on someone only spells destruction. Seems like no matter how much effort you put into something, it all turns to waste. Thinking back, I should not be doing this. My only role in life is to be the wall and walls don’t need walls to support it. It can stand there, alone, strong, and independent.

Thank you very much, but this time I can manage. At least this time, I learned my lesson. Never lean on someone because in the end you will only be disappointed. Learn it. Live it. Apply it. I assure you, you’ll never feel bad again.


FM Morgan said...

Really now? One day, let's have coffee and debate about this. I hardly believe that a wall can stand on its own. There IS the ground, after all.

ms. kathie said...

hmmmm i was a loner until i had to change... had my share of failed relationships too... was even suicidal for 6 yrs...

while i admit that there are still things that i cant (dont want to) change (such as the need to be alone) i love life and try to live it... =)

coffee nalang dear... ;)